apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
