Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
