what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
