i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
