I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He? As in you personified your dick?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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