Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
