sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Sext me about skeletons
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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