Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
That was an excessively violent trivia night
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Randomize