i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize