using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
