Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
