hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize