youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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