I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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