Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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