Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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