no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
