your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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