you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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