It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
