I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
