The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
