Where did you get a picture of my penis
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
