I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
