peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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