Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
