Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
