i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
