I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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