the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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