Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
