Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
