You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
