halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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