Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize