strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Rumble strips road head = magical
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
