My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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