Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The beer is more important than you right now.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
