Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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