Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
