I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
