thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize