Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
What drink are we having for lunch?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
