Screwed.edu
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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