If you die in college, do you die in real life?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Just puked most of my soul out..
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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