fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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