On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
