i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
