Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
