dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize
