Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
