There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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