saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
