I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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