my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
