Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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