Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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