This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
