There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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