i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
