make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
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