Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
