Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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