If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
