yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
