Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
