if only i could text you this smell
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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