Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
