Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
