why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
