Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Everything about him screamed your future.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
