I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
