Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
