Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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