How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
